I'm pregnant.
You consider yourself father material?
Here are your quick draw prizes.
At least you got trendy seat covers.
Hope they heal your wounds.
Women are like street cars. There will always be another one.
How many street cars have you seen here?
Three beers on credit.
Things will turn out good in the end.
Look who's sitting over there.
The jerk-offs from Kittilä.
I figured you were here -
since the music on the jukebox is so shitty.
What are you pointing at us for, hippie?
Cut down on the windshield wiper fluid.
I see you've come out of the closet. Nice outfits.
Let's see how long you'll be smiling outside.
Fucking jerk-offs.
You're jerk-offs. - Don't you ever learn?
What happened to your tooth?
Problems with short-term memory? Want a rerun?
Speak Finnish. - That's right.
They don't teach English in your kindergarten.
Faggot!
Leave your beers inside.
Don't tear my ear off!
Don't twist me!
Janne, where are you going?
You'll miss a good match!
I'll take you myself.
Jerk-offs!
You move like my grandma!
Eat shit, you cripple!
Are you running away? - You limp-dick Neanderthals!
A beer.
The asshole left his beer here.
Order me a soda.
Perkele!
Fucking genius.
Are you alright? - Yes. There's a hole underneath.
Inari's pregnant.
We need a tractor here.
Russians.
Good idea. Let's stay here. - Someone might be hurt.
Don't! I'm sure they've already dug a grave for us.
Right.
You've at least seen how it's done.
That's why I'm a vegetarian.
You're on your own now.
I think we should just go.
Looks damn good.
What do I do? - He's suffering. Kill it!
How? - Stab it!
Speaking of women, -
you think it was stupid to leave that girl at the hotel?
I thought so.
We'll speak Finnish then.
Finland. Perkele.
My old man was in forest business, too.
He worked at the paper mill.
He hanged himself when they moved the factory to Brazil.
That's right.
But I understand. They make a 15-percent profit there.
Here they only make 12 percent.
Hanging yourself is not that easy. The rope has to be long enough, -
so that you break your neck.
Otherwise you just choke real slow -
and might change your mind.
But you don't ejaculate. That's just a legend.
There's just piss and shit when we're freed at last.
But that's nothing.
We're all different.
To a shitty world! - To a shitty world!
What? - You've got the TV program guide there?
There might be something interesting on in the morning.
Sergei?
We could watch it together. Around seven o'clock.
Sergei?
A recordable digibox.
You won't find one like that at Hatunen's store.
Janne, I'm leaving.
Pyotr!
Shit!
Run!
Don't!
Don't shoot!
Kapu! Here!
What's wrong with it?
Oh, brilliant.
Perkele!
What did I do to deserve this?
Cordless phones were great, -
but is it my fault some idiot invented cell phones?
And that some asshole decided to stop analogue TV broadcasts!
Do they want me to kill myself?
Why is everyone against me? - Oh, brilliant.
The spark plug must be wet. I don't smell gas.
... strong winds of 21 meters per second.
The storm should pass within three hours...
Let's go, says J. Lo.
Shouldn't we wait and see how the weather changes?
It doesn't look that bad.
Janne doesn't even have a hat.
And I'm sure he's lost his gloves. He's like that.
You don't necessarily need a hat in this weather.
This is a nice trip! - Try to start it!
It's a piece of crap!
We'll die here.
We'll keep each other warm.
No network coverage. - Dig!
Try.
An empty bed next to me
Reminds me of what used to be
You're gone and I don't think
You're coming back
You shared your bed with someone new
And started over again
Even though you knew it would hurt me so...
My toes are numb. - We'll take you to the hospital in Rovaniemi.
Why are we going to Rovaniemi? You just said Inari left.
I'll get the digibox anyway.
You can get off here if you like.
Thanks for letting us choose.
I think I'll get off here.
I've got unfinished business at the hotel.
Räihänen, beware of tight spots.
You shared the bed with someone new
And started over again
Even though you knew it would hurt me so
And break my heart
What's left for me now that you're gone?
I don't know how to carry on...
The hospital is that way. - You drive.
There are a couple of variables here.
You should go on The Apprentice... You'd win.
The bars are closing.
There's going to be a lot of traffic here.
I'm sure Jesus will pull up -
and reward you for your hard work.
Hurry up or your toes will fall off.
Get in the fucking car.
This is not India.
This is Rovaniemi. It's -15 Celsius.
It's gotta be five AM.
If this doesn't work, I'll come up with something else.
Fine. Whatever.
Yup... You idiot.
Never crossed your mind they might have traffic detectors?
What? - I can't sleep because I don't know where you are.
Come home, please. - Mom, you don't understand.
I want romance.
Good evening.
I'm here to see my sister Marjukka, -
but I don't have her room number.
What's her last name? - I can't remember.
She just remarried.
I can't wake people up just like that.
You have several Marjukkas here? - Nobody's expecting visitors.
Could you call her?
I'm sure you have your sister's number.
Her phone is switched off.
Listen. It's been a long day.
I'm asking you to leave.
I can call the police, if you like.
Good evening!
I see. - I'll just wash your window.
You don't have to pay. - I've had a long day, so...
Great. It's all over the backseat. Nice.
Sorry. It caught me by surprise. - That's okay.
The cleaning will cost 150 euros, loss of working time 140 euros.
The cleaning company travel costs 30 euros. 320 euros in total.
If you hit the air conditioner, it'll cost more. - What?
The cleaning will cost 150 euros, loss of working time 140 euros.
The cleaning company travel costs 30 euros...
How much was that? - 320 euros.
You know what time it is? - Sure thing, it's 6:30 AM.
It's pretty late to go shopping. - What can I get with this?
That one.
Does it have a recorder? - Yes.
Does it have a good time shift? - Yes.
Is the guide good? Is it a test winner? - Yes.
Wrap it up. - You got it.
You fucking got it!
Alright.
I wonder if this is mine or his.
We bought it from the concert.
It was a shitty gig.
And Janne got up on stage.
It was embarrassing.
He can keep it.
Do you mind if I stay here a little longer?
I promised I'd wait till the morning.
The stuff is in the car, so we can call tomorrow.
Is there a misunderstanding here?
That we would start dating.
Are you saying you've forgotten?
Forgotten what? - What we had.
Well...
It's possible I've forgotten.
I was fifteen. - Sixteen.
You must be tired. - Cutie pie.
It was sweet of you to help, but that's it.
I'm crazy about you. You make me hard.
Feel it. - C'mon. I don't like this at all.
Look. - Oh God.
Perfect. Drive safely.
Are you sure? - Yes!
Okay.
Good night then.
No hard feelings.
I'll go. Bye!
At least you have a digibox.
Inari might have taken the TV.
We'll go and get you a TV tomorrow. - From the city.
Inari.
What the fuck? What are you doing here?
Get out! Go home!
What's wrong with you? Have you lost your mind?
The roads must be plowed already.
What's wrong with you men?
Well, there's something wrong -
when you find a naked guy in your matrimonial bed.
Did you bring the digibox?
There were a couple of variables.
I can explain.
Where have you been again?
I was thinking of building a play corner for the baby.
Next to the TV stand? - Yup.
Translated by Aretta Vähälä
Proofread and song lyrics by Rich Lyons